Loss of a Child: What Do You Say?

According to the CDC, cancer is the fourth most common cause of death (after unintentional injury, homicide, and suicide) for people 1- 19 years old. The survival rate of childhood cancer has increased. That's the good news. The bad news is there are still children dying every year from cancer.

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Sheri Perl
1 years ago

Please see my website and read about The Prayer Registry. This free website service is dedicated to all of the families who have lost children, whatever age that child was when they passed. This site registers the anniversary day of our children's crossing. The members of this online community,the Prayer Team, have the opportunity to honor their child's legacy, connect with other bereaved parents, and participate in world-wide group prayer for every registered loved one on the anniversary day of their passing. There is no charge for this service; it is my sincere hope that every bereaved parent who registers a child will join the Prayer Team and be a source of prayer for all of the children on the other side. Each time another child is registered, the Prayer Team grows larger and stronger. Please email Sheri at theprayerregistry@gmail.com to register your loved one on The Prayer Registry. By registering, you will have a forum to connect to other bereaved parents and you will be able to upload comments, photographs, biographies, or any other information you want to share about your child with our community of bereaved parents. Once registered, you will be a member of the Prayer Team and will receive Prayer Registry reminders one day before the anniversary day of one of our kids. Please feel free to email any questions, concerns or feelings that you would like to share. My door is always open. I hope that this site provides some small measure of balm for the wounds of loss. From one bereaved parent to another, I welcome you to my site and offer my support. This is one club that none of us would join by choice, but since we find ourselves in this unthinkable place, we stand stronger when we stand side by side.

MommyV
2 yearss ago

I lost my daughter when she was two months old about a year ago. When I tell people my story they say "i am so sorry". It wasnt their fault. How about stay strong, he or she is in a better place. I understand where the i am sorry is coming from but i do not think its the right thing to stay. When some one looses a child and they are still in grieving stage a hug is worth more than words can ever say.

5minutesformom
2 yearss ago

Heather, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I honestly never know what to say and I am so afraid of saying the wrong things. (And, yes, I do think of Maddie so often. Especially every time I see a child being pushed down the sidewalk in one of those little plastic push cars. I will never be able to see one of those toys and not see and hear the beautiful sound of Maddie in your video of her.) All the best, Susan

NJ_2_NorCal_Mom
2 yearss ago

The only thing I can think of to say to someone who has lost a loved one is that I am sorry. I can't know how they feel. Even when someone loses a parent, as I did about two years ago, I can only say that I know how hard it was for me to lose my Dad, but that I don't really know what they're going through, only that I am so sorry. If a child is lost to a disease, such as cancer, a way you can show your support, even if their grieving parents never know about it, is to take part in fundraisers or other events aimed at finding a cure or otherwise fighting the disease. If you walk or pledge, do it in honor of someone who has had the disease.

Jojo
2 yearss ago

There is some great advice here. I wish everyone could watch this episode. We live in such a death-denying culture. I have been closely involved with many aspects of this topic because of my own family's tragedy. People drop out of your life because you are depressing and tragedy is not something they want to deal with. Please remember that we will all face gut-wrenching tragedy in our lives at some point unless our own lives are cut short. Be there for someone else even if you don't know them well. There are no magic words and any attempt at "making the person feel better" by explaining away what happened is self-serving. Just be there. Hold their hand. Think of ways to make their life a little easier like bringing over food. If you flake, follow up with them months or years later when everyone else has forgotten. They will not have forgotten. They will greatly appreciate any effort on your part.

AmberStrocel
2 yearss ago

Thank you for this. Just ... thank you. I appreciate the advice about how best to support someone who has lost a child. I think that these suggestions are excellent for helping anyone through a loss. We could all use some ideas about how to be more supportive and sensitive.

jadobee
2 yearss ago

In high school, I lost a close friend and I remember her parents responding in two very different ways. Her mother really appreciated people telling her how much her daughter had meant to them and reassuring her that they would always remember her. Her father withdrew from people and wasn't as open to conversation about his child. It was too painful and personal for him to talk about. I think it's important to read a person and be first sure that they're open to receiving comments, even if they're compassionate and sympathetic. Sometimes, it just deepens their pain.

SilverXeno
2 yearss ago

If you're still having issues with the video, clear your cache, empty your recycle bin, and reload the page. On the topic: I know I wouldn't have the words to comfort someone who has lost a child...I do have a dear friend that said once, "Grief is the price you pay for being given then privelage of loving someone." And when I thought about it like that, I felt like I did get this amazing oppurtunity to love someone, and I was glad to pay it back in tears. I have joined the care team on my post...we are not counselors or therapists...we just go and take care of the things that need to be taken care of when there is a loss of life. Like Heather mentioned...friends cleaning bathrooms, running errands, taking care of other children, or the pets! Making sure everything else is running smoothly, so they can grieve, or love, or get angry if they need to...and not worry about making sure there is milk in the fridge.

amanda81930
2 yearss ago

I'm still getting the advocacy video :(

wndl
2 yearss ago

all seems to be working (and properly labeled) now. my way of dealing with difficult situations/death with my friends is to 1) tell them i'm sorry, 2) tell them i love them and 3) tell them i'm there. 'there' can take on many meanings, depending on whether we live near each other. for a long-distance friend, who found herself very alone when her father died, i was on a the other end of the phone, a lot. for people near me, i can contribute food, like daphne did. and like heather says, having things done for you is a great help, especially when it's simply done, w/out the person suffering/grieving having to make decisions about it. i've been following hunter's story on daphne's blog and weeping everytime daphne chokes up... it's a tragic situation, as was heather's with her daughter, and my heart goes out to both families, as well as their families and friends. we need to heed heather's words about remembering and SPEAKING about lost children. it's soooo very important.

Loss of a Child: What Do You Say?

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