The New Mom Excuse: What's Its Shelf Life?

Your hair's a mess. Your clothes are stained. And you haven't hit the gym in months. But it's OK because you're a new mom. But when your kid turns one... two...

More videos on Momversation ... Browse all 347 videos

Showing the Latest of 15 Comments

nannycheyenne
2 yearss ago

http://childadvice.blog.com/ please check out my brand new blog about advice for parents. advice from an experienced nanny (not a mom myself)

acm
2 yearss ago

I'm in the camp that says that the "excuses" shift over time. There's a complete afunctionality in the first few months that is unlike anything else, and New Mom (brain/life/whatever) is the right fit. Then there's the lingering weight, which could be due to breastfeeding (mine fell away only over the 6 months after weaning) or schedule disruption or any of the other changes that your life weathers. And then you gradually adapt, start to look high-functioning, but still collapse on the couch immediately after your baby/toddler's bed time, thus being unable to keep up with your usual whirl of social/business/life commitments -- this is still due to having a small child, but it's definitely not New Mom syndrome anymore. I still have a 2-year-old, so I can't speak to when/if the exhaustion lifts and you start to feel more like your previously functional self -- perhaps you segue directly into chauffering the kid(s) all over the place, so there's no actual break, or maybe there's an elementary-school age where they're less physically demanding than toddlers but not yet requiring a czar of scheduling and shuttling... dunno. I certainly have a vastly different outlook on parents and parenting than I did before getting into all this! %^)

AmberStrocel
2 yearss ago

I don't know what the specific shelf-life is for the 'new mom' excuse. However, I will say that sometimes things get harder as your child gets older. Right now, for example, I have a 19-month-old. Maybe I can't blame the 15 extra pounds I'm still carrying on having a little baby. But I think that I could totally get away with using having a toddler as an excuse for why I'm a little disheveled a lot of the time. This kid keeps me hopping now in ways he never did as an infant. Sometimes we all need a good excuse. Being a mom is HARD.

5minutesformom
2 yearss ago

I'm right there with Heather... move on past the "New Mom" excuse on to all the others. We moms need to be the first to cut each other serious slack. This mom thing is brutally hard! ~Susan

plue
2 yearss ago

My mom still blames her extra 10 pounds on my sister--and she's twenty-two years old! I think the excuse is fine when you're talking about yourself or things you haven't gotten around to, but I have a friend who is really annoying. She's always using her daughter as an excuse--if I say, "Do you want to go to the movies?" She'll say something like. "No, I like spending time with my DAUGHTER." She does it in such a snide way--as if implying I don't enjoy spending time with my family. Suffice it to say, I don't really invite her to that many things anymore, so that kid's getting PLENTY of her time.

JNip
2 yearss ago

I have three kids. They are not so little anymore, so while I don't use the "new mom" excuse, I'm a big believer in cutting moms some slack. Honestly, I think there are so many demands on mothers nowadays that are just downright unrealistic. If showing up at school pickup with a baseball cap, sunglasses and a t-shirt and jeans is what I have to do in order to get the house clean, then I call that a good day! You pick your battles in life, and at this point in my life what I look like on an ordinary day just doesn't mean much to me. That being said, I do think that sometimes there is that temptation to lose ourselves in our "mom-ness". It's kind of like a pendulum that swings back and forth sometimes between being totally unfocused on our own identity, and feeling overly pressured to "Get it together, girlfriend!" I know I am at my best when I feel good about myself. For me, that means I still have some work to do to get there. But, I also cut myself some slack given the fact that with three busy kids I can only do so much for myself. The rest of my energy has to go towards them right now. So, if I don't make my goal weight, or don't get my roots touched up as often as I need to, I just breathe and remember that my kids were happy today. They were fed today. And most importantly, they were loved today.

SilverXeno
2 yearss ago

I am totally down with the "cutting moms some slack". The pressure to keep up with everything is immense! I wasn't a "makeup & hair" girl before I had kids...and now people see that as me not caring or making an effort. Flip that! The most attention I paid before was that I put some curl definer in my hair after a shower. That's it! I still do that...if I think I might leave the house that day. When I do leave, I put on a little mascara...and my favorite moisturizing lip butter from Body Shop. I have some colored glosses in my purse...and I might swipe some on periodically. I might have done more makeup in the past, but I was also working. I don't work now, my husband is deployed. Who exactly am I wearing makeup for? Not myself! Cuz I feel like it ages my skin too much, lol.

misscapatosta
2 yearss ago

Love this! Couldn't agree more JNip. Great response!! ~Sarah

GigGirl
2 yearss ago

As the mom of an only child, I feel like I go through life experiencing each stage of parenting for the first time. Six years later and I still feel like a new mom because each phase in his childhood layers on top of the last like fresh snow in your own backyard that somehow doesn't seem perfectly familiar. Sometimes I'm extra cautious where I leave my footprint and sometimes I just plow right through. So my occasionally unkempt hair at the bus stop can be attributed to my "still a new mom" status!

SilverXeno
2 yearss ago

I ...am not really that different now than before I had kids. My "good" outfit was jeans & a t-shirt..but I wore heels instead of sneakers. My pregnancies did seem to contribute greatly to my weight problems...I've always had them, but I could always cut down on what I was eating, start doing a treadmill every day or something...and at LEAST lose the muffin top so I could wear some low-rise jeans. Now...not so much, and I do blame pregnancy and surgery for why I can't do the things I did before. I'm still young, I should be able to do these things, but my body just doesn't respond! Oh...And about the sex...After the first, my husband was freaked out to touch me...it only took 5 months, but he finally got "okay" and realized EVERY sexual encounter doesn't lead to pregnancy. With the second...we were tossing around the, "Pfft...4 weeks is PRACTICALLY 6 weeks...I mean...my stitches have healed...and it's not like breastfeeding doesn't already send my uterus into a tizzy...Maybe we should just try a few things and see where it goes!" I think the only time I really played the "new mom" card was when I was trying to get something out of someone...like when I wanted a discount at a store or free appetizers at a restaurant...And when I wanted my mom to watch the kids so I could do nothing! "Mom, I'm just so overwhelmed by having TWO kids now!" :)

The New Mom Excuse: What's Its Shelf Life?

Showing the Latest of 15 Comments

Post new comment

Sponsored Links

Panelists

We Work With 40 Contributors Meet Them All

Express Yourself!

Momversation is the place where real women share personal insights into the issues that affect us.