Talking to Your Kids About Race

One of the most difficult issues to discuss with your kids is race. From an early age, children can recognize the surface differences between kids, such as the color of skin. And as well all know, where kids go, so go questions. So how much of an emphasis do you put on race, and how can you relay your attitudes towards diversity to your children? Alice Bradley of Finslippy asks, "How do you talk to your kids about race?"

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greent
1 years ago

My husband and I love the idea of a multicultural family. It is my dream to adopt in the future from different countries. I think when children are brought up in that environment it helps keep racism out of the picture. My husband and I are both white and we have 2 biological children and I want them to look past race and see the person, not the color. As long as I can remember I have wanted to have a multicultural family. In fact, my husband and I both thought we would marry outside of our race but it didn't end up that way. Now I also joke that I want my family to look like a meeting of the UN.

jennifer.cole.kline
1 years ago

I love hearing all your advice and personal experiences. My oldest is 6 and when Obama became president, I was unsure if I was going to even mention the fact that he's the 1st black president. I was incredibly happy that day because of this fact, but I didn't make a big deal of it to my son (he was 4 at the time) because I hope that one it won't be a big deal :) If he was a bit older, I would have gone into more detail, but at the time, I didn't want to persuade his thinking at all. That's what I love about kids -- most of them accept each other regardless of skin tone. It's us parents that instill racial opinions, thoughts, etc. So for now, I just want my son and daughter to see "people".

Crystal29Carroll
2 yearss ago

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innej54
2 yearss ago

Like Karen, our family is adoptive and multi-racial. Unlike Karen, we talk about it, but not in the terms Alice is dealing with. Our kids know that worldwide socioeconomic injustice exists (it's part of the kids' adoption stories), but they haven't connected it to race. They certainly notice physical differences, though, and are never quiet about pointing them out. "Why is that lady's hair that color?" "Why does that man only have one leg?" Right now, we talk about race the same way we talk about any other physical features. Some people have blue eyes, some people have curly hair, some people have six fingers, some people have brown skin. We always add the "Everybody's different, and that's a good thing" spin. I'm pretty open with the kids. I use age-appropriate language to explain anything they question, and I alway slant it with the attitude I want them to have, i.e. slanting a conversation about race to indicate that using skin color as a criteria for "goodness" or "badness" is just as silly as using any other physical characteristic. (Slanting the conversation about "how babies get into ladies' tummies" was way more difficult!)

kimchi mama
2 yearss ago

shoutingforha
2 yearss ago

I think Karen hit the nail right on the head. When it comes to race I believe that it is better to walk the walk than talk the talk. It is fine to try to teach our children not to be racist, but if we are not living life with people who are different than us, are they really going to get the picture? My husband and I have been very deliberate in the way that we talk about race with our son who is now eight. We go to a diverse church, both racially and socioeconomically. We have friends that are black, Native American, Hispanic, Asian, white... We want our son to embrace the differences that make every person unique. Living in the Nashville area, our boy has unfortunately heard his fair share of derogatory comments concerning those of other races. As a result my husband and I have taken the opportunity to talk to him about the history of our country and how racism still goes on. We have even talked about the systematic racism that is still prevalent in this area. We allow our son to lead the way in these conversations and discuss things with him in terms that he can understand. As my pastor says, "Shine the light, expose the truth." I believe that ignorance and preconceive ideas about race that propagate racism. When we take the time to talk to one another, to live our lives together, that's when things change.

Vivix459
2 yearss ago

My son doesn't recognize race yet, he's 3. My fiancee's brother is African American, my sister is mulatto. (both of us are Caucasian as is our son) We don't talk about it, because he hasn't asked. I don't know if he realizes people are of a different color, or if he just accepts people for who they are. We don't make an issue of it, we are friends with everyone, no matter their color. If it does come up, we'll probably just explain to him that people are born that way, did he pick blue eyes and blonde hair? Whats outside doesn't make a person, it's whats inside that counts.

cocosmalls
2 yearss ago

like karen, we dont talk about it in our house but like alice i think about it all the time. my husband is bi-racial (korean/anglo) and his family, which is our only genetic family in the era, although largely korean has quite a few mixed families in it also. in addition, my kids godmother is black and very close with them. making matters more complicated we spend all the jewish holidays with an israeli family we are close too (we are not jewish either). the final piece is my son goes to an immersion school that is half hispanic and fully fluent in spanish. so...i wonder all the time when my son (4) is going to notice that his world is so different than everyone elses-that other family all "look similar" and ours is this crazy quilt where we are a family not only because of genetics but because we love these people. one day his grandma picked him up at school and the teacher thought she misunderstood when he said hi grandma because my son is white(ish) and she is korean-it passed without him noticing much but what do i say when he does notice. or when someone tells him his godmom isnt his real auntie because she is black or when he realizes we are not jews but just like sharing in the family traditions of good friends. i guess i will know then what i want to say, i just hope its the right thing.

Rita Arens
2 yearss ago

Race started coming up for us this past year, when my five-year-old noticed she was the only white girl in her kindergarten class. She's always been in diverse daycares, but she's never been the only white girl in a group of 19 kids. The funny thing is, I didn't realize she was the only white girl until I chaperoned her field trip. Nothing in the way she talked about her girlfriends for a month would've tipped me off. I think you guys are all right -- kids are a clean slate. So far, so good. I know she's not color-blind -- nor should she be -- but my hope for her is that she will judge each person not by the color of her skin but by the content of her character.

sarahwchang
2 yearss ago

I actually just posted an entry on my blog (last night) discussing the "new" black Barbies and what this means for society and for my half-Asian baby (http://www.thestrollerballet.com/2009/10/inclusive-barbie.html). Raising my little Peanut has gotten me thinking about how I will talk to her about her background. It has also made me really consider the ways in which race is discussed and dealt with in our society. We have come so far as a country. A year ago, I cried, pregnant with my little Peanut, as I watched the first African American president elect deliver a victory speech in Chicago. I wonder, though, how much further we need to go. And what can I do to change people's attitudes?

Talking to Your Kids About Race

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