Why Do You Care How I Parent My Kid?

Did I ask for your opinion? Rebecca Woolf from Girl's Gone Child is tired of all the unsolicited advice she gets about raising her child. So, today on Momversation, she asks the panelists how they deal with people's unwanted comments. What do you think; should you butt in or butt out? Is there ever a time when you should comment on someone's child rearing? Join in the Momversation by commenting below or talking back in our forums.

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Showing the Latest of 23 Comments

jnjmommy
2 yearss ago

So I'm just about two years late on making this comment but what about people who give advice who are not even parents? I have this friend who I love very much...she is a great friend and knows a lot about kids. But because she knows a lot about kids she thinks it's ok for her to give advice in something she knows absolutely nothing about. Let's face it..knowing things about kids and actually BEING a parent and raising a child are two very different things. I am praying she gets married and pregnant soon...maybe then that will take the focus off of my children! Now when it comes to me giving advice...I only give it when it is asked, when it affects my child, or when I see something I know is illegal

mamaemma
2 yearss ago

I live in Kenya and gave birth here. While in the hospital I was told not to drink soda because it would burst my sutures. I've been told to cover my baby, because she is cold in 80 degree heat. I've been tempted to start saying that Americans don't get cold. www.redearthsafari.blogspot.com

mamaemma
2 yearss ago

Oh, I was also told when I took my baby in a plane that on the ascent if she wasn't nursing her eardrums would burst and she would go deaf. A lot of people told me that. Scared the sh*t out of me. Just so you know she didn't even peep on any ascent or descent. I think it's true that sucking will help with equalizing your ears (popping), but deaf? C'mon. Even worse I believed 'em.

usignola
2 yearss ago

I had a woman behind me in line at a Walgreens take my infant daughter's favorite teething toy out of her hands/mouth while saying "it will make her choke". WTF????????? I grabbed it back from Crazy Lady, said "It's FINE" and gave it back to my daughter (though come to think of it I probably should have boiled it first). Another one, while in a department store Italy a mother/daughter tag-team approached my husband and me to inform us that our daughter could wear shoes, OR socks, but for God's sake not shoes AND socks at the same time!!! Sigh.

papermoonies
3 yearss ago

the only time I say something is if they are beating on their kids or just simply yelling at them for long periods of time calling the child names. Otherwise, I totally stay out of it. Being an abuse survivor, I feel like kids dont have a voice so I will say something. http://www.papermoonies.blogspot.com

ShelbysMom
3 yearss ago

I will say that I have opinions on just about everything and I admit that I judge other mothers/parents....HOWEVER...I don't and won't tell you that unless asked specifically for my opinion/advice on the topic. I believe that your parenting, good or bad is your business, and I fully understand that good and bad are relative terms and mean something different to everyone. Do I hate it when someone tells me how to be a parent? Yes I hate it and they should shut their face. I smile and uh huh them until they shut up and then switch topics. I have never felt the need to validate what they've said by an "excuse" or an explaination because frankly, it's not their business just like it's not my business. Parenting is hard work and a different experience for everyone because every child is different. I have had several friends and family members ask me for help/advise and I always start with, "What worked for Shelby was..." there is no one way to do something that works for every kid. I agree with Daphne, a lot of times it's how you say it.

mamaemma
2 yearss ago

That's usually how I frame stuff. "What worked for me..." It validates that person's intelligence and everyone's individual experience. I HATE unmitigated advice. www.redearthsafari.blogspot.com

Scattered Mom
3 yearss ago

I have a hard time with strangers who offer me random parenting advice, because 99% of the time none of them have had a clue what they are talking about. Why do I say that? My son looks like a typical child, but he has special needs. So the fact that he may not be: -able to count by fives -didn't come the first time I called him -gets overstimulated by grocery stores -walking when he's almost 2 -has trouble standing in line -can't ice skate are for a REASON. When people insinuate that he's unintelligent, lazy, undisciplined, has ADHD (or any other random disability) etc from seeing him for all of 3 minutes, I get really irritated. I used to have a few smart come backs handy, but now that he's 13, he has his own. For instance, to the woman who made him count nickels (when he was 10 ) and then commented that he was unintelligent because he couldn't, "I have a learning disability in math which makes it really hard to count by fives and so I'm doing the best I can. You wouldn't ask an adult to do this, would you?" People need to realize that sometimes the kids who are acting out may look typical, but are not and the parent is doing the best they can under the circumstances.

broorel8
3 yearss ago

The comment about he little monkey on the jungle gym really hit home with me. My son is growth hormone deficient. He looked like he was about 9 months old until he was 2, when he started his shots. I used to get horrified looks all the time! I think the "best" unsolicited advice came while at Whataburger. My son was about 4 months old. I was giving him his bottle when a random woman flew out of the blue and said "How can you feed your child that poison? A good mother always breastfeeds!" I looked at her and said, "Thank you for your concern, I really wanted to breastfeed my son, but he was born 2 months early and couldn't be nursed directly. I pumped for two months, but couldn't keep up a supply and tried every lactation-inducing drug on the market. None worked. We're just thankful he's alive, but thank you for your concern." I believe her response was "errraarrrhrrrh, have a nice day" Of course, I will agree with what someone said that when we have blogs about our family we do leave ourselves open to conversations about our parenting skills.

RespectEffectMom
3 yearss ago

Yes, this is tricky. Because sometimes we ASK for help and advice, but we reject it if it's not what we want to hear. If we don't already trust and respect the person, we're more likely to think of a reason to disagree, no matter WHAT they suggest. So even if someone asks for help, I have found it wise to enter in very reluctantly and with very few words. If I see a mom at the market who is at her wit's end with her child whose terrorizing her, I will cheerfully say, "OK, How can I help?" I've had moms start bawling because they're so grateful that I offered real assistance rather than advice or judgment. If I sense the mom really doesn't want help, just a break, I'll comment on the little girl's shoes (they love that) or the little boy's toy (they usually have one). Sometimes just the change of a new person in the picture alone is enough to break the tension between the mother and child. Whatever works, right? One mom asked me to go get a glass of water. One asked me to go to the back of the store and grab a dozen eggs. And I do it cheerfully. Because I remember having two under two in a grocery cart. So it may be more about intention. Is it one of genuine empathy or one of judgment? That really speaks volumes, doesn't it? Sincerely yours in parenting success, Debra Sale Wendler Respect Effect Mom http://www.adhdparentingsuccess.com

Why Do You Care How I Parent My Kid?

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