Would You Really Be OK if Your Child Was Gay?

Jo Anna
1 years ago

Response to a question posed on Momversation.com.

Sramosobriant
2 yearss ago

I grew up in an artsy tourist town in the southwest which had, and has, a vibrant homosexual and lesbian community. When my mother divorced my redneck dad and returned to New Mexico, the only work she could find was waitressing in a chic restaurant owned by an flamboyant lesbian named Claude. Of course the club was patronized by gays, bi's, and hetero experimenters. Mom explained about "queers" in a matter-of-fact way, while warning us to watch out for them in movie theatre bathrooms. I wrote about this in the short story, "Mrs. Frye"(http://www.amazon.com/Best-Lesbian-Love-Stories-2004/dp/1555838251/ref=s...). Claude and her lover gave me a subscription to National Geographic when I was 10. Another gay friend gave me his classical lp's when he left Santa Fe to study flamenco dancing in Spain. These small acts helped change my life; they helped broaden my perspective beyond my home town horizons. Mom encouraged us to be tolerant, but wary, so I shouldn't have been surprised when she called me in the middle of the night crying after my brother confessed to her that he was gay. My horizons are unlimited, and I refuse to shutter my brain, or my body. I came into my female sexual strength after the pill, and before HIV. Should I expect my children to be different? For my own part, I told my sons that I would love them no matter what their sexual preference choices. Now, let's talk if one of them wanted to change genders!

faraz_k86
2 yearss ago

If I found out my son was gay I would be devastated because of the country I live in being gay is one of the largest sins,, its taboo.. and i know that once word gets out.. he will become a target and will be killed :( -faraz from blu ray ripper review

MilwJay
2 yearss ago

by 'Gay' you mean 'Jolly' right.

MilwJay
2 yearss ago

well I just came upon you Moms for the first time. I followed a link from kottke.org, a tech/trivia site, to dooce, to here. I am a guy and I dont have kids yet, so there is that. I saw this classic question which, like a puzzle, is difficult to solve. I have researched it much and think I have an educated perspective. it resembles Girlsgonechild.net's view that kids are allowed to fall in love. I go on to underline the importance of vocabulary and The Big Issues. "gay" is a Slang word that can mean a dozen different things. Long before my future kids are alone facing an inarticulate, manipulative, or simply uneducated Slangword user I will have helped them experience, discuss, learn and make decisions as to what they think regarding the related issues. Things which can be sometimes conflicting and sometimes negative, insulting, or inaccurate and misleading. There is the saying that "a choice of words is a choice of worlds" which I love. and of course Abbott and Costellos classic "whos on first" comedy routine hilariously illustrates the confusion of words with more than one meaning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M "Gay" is a Slang word with many many meanings. Gay: -free spirit -happy -weak -stupid -feminine(for a guy) -masculine(for a girl) -compassionate(for a guy) -couragous (for a girl) -homosexual -only homosexual -anti girl -anti boy -bi-sexual -flexible -polygamous -monogamous -childless -godless -honest -open -friendly -kind -sensitive -expressive -simply to acknowledge that there are kind, beautiful, fun people of the same sex in the world. just admit it...that makes you "gay" apparently....if you are a guy. if you are a girl you can kiss and apparently you are not gay...anyways: -saying that friendship and intimacy between persons of the same sex is "genetic" is like saying that wanting to dance to popular music is genetic. its like saying that drinking Coke instead of Pepsi is genetic. its like saying that breaking the law is genetic (amongst blacks or Italians etc). On its face it is a ridiculous argument. To pretend that friendship is suddenly different or genetic when the friends are a little too friendly,( if you know what I mean) or too much alike physically is absurd. To be rational you would have to at least argue that ALL social interaction is genetic... Randomly saying that this or that social interaction is gentic but not every other randomly examined social interation is genetic is as silly sounding to me and easily disproved by me as the notion that the Moon is made of cheese. Did you shake hands with your new neighbors?...well that is genetic. Just to let you know. its like saying that any complex decison is genetic...liking this or that song or type of music or color car you choose...all are done for gentic reasons. Now its possible that each and every action is somehow influenced by genetics. but its absurd to suggest we can say that any specific decison is gentic. Its like saying "her son is a doctor, its in the genes". well no actually its not. and yes you can raise your kid to be any or all or none of what it defined as "gay". "We" like the word "gay" and the "born gay" storyline because its an easy way out of challenging or awkward conversations. because its hard to address the big issues raised 1) what is god 2) what is gay 3) is god against gay 4) would you be ok with your child being gay 5) sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,sex,hug? answers 1) "god", like the word "life" mean exactly the same thing. no more...no less. religion is the explaination you choose, or are raised with, which explains life. 2) is a Slang term which as one of its meanings means that you have a friend who has a body like yours. period. 3) life is not against friendship 4) my kids can have friends. 5)no,yes,maybe,I dont know, get away from me,your my best friend,hug?

MilwJay
2 yearss ago

well, I just noticed how old this topic is. no matter, I guess I'm just practicing my answers for my kids in the future. one more thing. I didnt really address the politics of the question. in preparation for controversy kids should be taught the facts of life, self defense, circumspection... lastly. bottom line; my kids will know that they dont have to be "born gay" or straight. they can love their same sex friend and it doesnt have to mean they hate or are blind to beauty of women or are forfiting parenthood or morality or clarity. its no big deal in and of itself...to hug your friend, or go skinny dipping...or date. Society is desperately trying to make it an either-or thing, a "your either one of us or one of them" thing. Its the old divide and conquer thing. No. not here. you can not confuse the issue with me. or my kids (future kids). its too simply clarified. And once you got it you slap your head and go "Ha, of course. its simple". and thats that.

chaosisus
2 yearss ago

I am bisexual myself! I would support my kids no matter what they choose. As said by many i just want my children to experience love no matter what it looks like. I compare this a lot to Interracial couples. I am white and my husband is black. As much as we would like to think we have moved past racial barriers with the election of a black president, the looks i receive when walking around with my black husband and mixed children say other wise. Hate is something that is passed on from generation to generation and is not limited to gay people. I grew up in a house where the norm was to date in your own race and your opposite gender. When my parents found out i was dating a black girl the race thing became a non-issue compared to the gender issue. I was taken to a therapist(who ended up being gay lol), they threatened to have her arrested because i was 15 and she was 18 (the law in WV says there has to be a 4 year age difference to press charges), and in the end my mom told me that she was just worried because of the life i would face. My dad never did accept it and was more than thrilled when i married and had kids (even if it was a black man). It really hurt that my own parents didn't care that i was "in love" and all they saw was two women.

chaosisus
2 yearss ago

I am bisexual myself! I would support my kids no matter what they choose. As said by many i just want my children to experience love no matter what it looks like. I compare this a lot to Interracial couples. I am white and my husband is black. As much as we would like to think we have moved past racial barriers with the election of a black president, the looks i receive when walking around with my black husband and mixed children say other wise. Hate is something that is passed on from generation to generation and is not limited to gay people. I grew up in a house where the norm was to date in your own race and your opposite gender. When my parents found out i was dating a black girl the race thing became a non-issue compared to the gender issue. I was taken to a therapist(who ended up being gay lol), they threatened to have her arrested because i was 15 and she was 18 (the law in WV says there has to be a 4 year age difference to press charges), and in the end my mom told me that she was just worried because of the life i would face. My dad never did accept it and was more than thrilled when i married and had kids (even if it was a black man). It really hurt that my own parents didn't care that i was "in love" and all they saw was two women.

Abi
3 yearss ago

I think that I would be okay with it. I'm not sure what my reaction would be exactly. I think there will be fear in my part. Fear of how this would affect their lives. But I do want my kids to experience happiness and love and have butterflies in their tummy and get goosebumps and all that... I would like to think that I am open-minded enough to embrace them for who they are period. On the other hand, I *KNOW* that my parents, especially my father would be beyond heartbroken if my kids were gay, especially my son. He is one of those people who think that being gay is a choice or can be influenced. For example, he believes my cousin is gay because his mom coddled him too much. He believes that my uncle should have "beat the gay out of him" so to speak.

trishk
3 yearss ago

I appreciate what Giyen and Rebecca are trying to get across, but coincidentally, I grew up in rural Eastern Washington and currently live in suburban Virginia, and I think it would have been a far better choice of words to simply say, "If I lived in a neighborhood or community where I did not see as much public acceptance of gays and lesbians," or "If I lived in a community that had a history of anti-gay violence," acknowledging that those communities can be anywhere.

Would You Really Be OK if Your Child Was Gay?

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